When I was younger, I never had any friends who identified with different pronouns. So, when I met some gender fluid friends, and had several friends come out to me as transgender, I wanted to show my support! They told me their preferred pronouns, and I did my best to use them!
But the trouble is, is that I’ve messed them up! I’ve used she instead of them, and felt terrible! I hate making mistakes in anything, and I hate making my friends feel uncomfortable because I used the wrong pronouns.
I knew I had to come up with a way to stop goofing up, so I put my mind to the test.
Here’s what I came up with:
1. Be open and accepting.
Sometimes people are closed off to new ideas UNINTENTIONALLY. Always make sure to remind yourself of how you feel about someone’s identity.
If you’re confused, a friendly conversation can help clear things up for both people.
2. Do your best to stop thinking of your friend as the gender or sex they first identified with.
If you say the correct pronouns but still accidentally think of the person as their birth sex, you’ll get confused and will most likely slip up more.
3. Don’t associate their passions with feminine attributes or masculine ones.
That’ll just make things complicated, and just because someone changes their gender identity doesn’t mean they change their passions. Nothing makes drawing a “girl” thing, and nothing makes playing sports a “guy” thing.
4. Talk to the person about their experience with gender.
The more you understand where they’re coming from and how they feel, the easier it will be to empathize and make sure you nail those pronouns every time.
While these tips usually work for me, I’m not perfect, and I have slipped up before.
Here are some ways to fix slip ups:
Immediately correct yourself
If the person who’s pronouns you goofed up is right there, apologize and correct yourself. Be careful though, you don’t want to over apologize because that makes things worse.
Make a point to get the pronouns right the next time you see them.
While these tips are usually helpful for the general case, also remember that each person is unique.
Also, make sure you talk to the person who’s confided their pronouns to you. They might not want you to use their pronouns with everyone you talk to. Sometimes trying out new pronouns can be scary, and it’s a lot easier knowing that only one or two trusted friends call you by different pronouns at first.
I hope that helped!
Stay safe, smile, and I’ll ‘see’ you next time.
-Finn
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